“FiNDiNG YouR DeSTiNY”

   

          

          Sometimes in life you begin to realize the magnitude of destiny.  Even if how many times you have changed your decisions and tried winding in different paths,   you end up in that same point in you life —

    

           Then even if how many times you tried your best, you feel you could have outdone what you did or that it would have been even better if you have chosen another option.  Suddenly you realized – “Why is the world beginning to look sad and gray?   Why am I feeling weak and vulnerable at times….? “

          

           But then again, they say the only reason we are in this world is to fulfill each of our own destiny.   What if along the way you realize you’re going around in circles?    How are you going to find that one right point in your path and continue finding the happiness within yourself?

          

          Is it really natural for man to be fear the unknown but risks his life to find its answer?   Is it a saving grace to try to protect one’s destiny from the world that is blackening?  

          

          Yet here I am and my searching soul,   just going round and round trying to live through my life.  How I wish I can find my destiny before the world turns totally black.   But a part of me (even if I doubt myself) believes it’s the paradox of life—    life and its complexities; it’s intricateness, it’s mytery.  

 

           But did you ever think if people do really find what they really wanted from life before they die?   If not,  what happens to the searching soul?  Will it just disappear into the thin air or will it reborn itself and try one more time to fulfill one’s fate? 

           Maybe I will find that string of destiny before my soul will wilt and disappear into oblivion.  

            Time can only but until then, I can only hope I am on the right track.

            

WHeN DaRKNeSS CoMeS…………………

Nicole (left side)  and friend, Gem (right side)

(Nicole Juson, 12 yrs. old,   soccer player – jersey #5,   born : March 28, 1996     died : November 16  2007 )

Occasionally, we are graced with the presence of an earth bound Angel.They are unable to stay with us for long, but while they do, they bring unprecedented joy and happiness to all they touch. While they are here, we bask in their goodness and marvel at their contribution to the world. When they leave, we are left with the devastation that comes with losing such a wonderful being, but we must remember the earth bound Angels are not ours to keep.They are ours to enjoy, learn from, and behold until they return home.

      Never in my whole life did I imagine myself looking at the mirror and say….hey, take it easy.

         I have never gotten over this rotten feeling of anguish and pain when one of my precious soccer player died becuase of kidney failure leading to cardiac arrest….

            two weeks earlier…………………..

          We did a couple of practices in preparation for the De La Salle Little Olympics qhich was held last October 26 – 30, 2007 at the De La Salle Greenhills.

          This was the first time these young girls (age 10 -13), who will have a chance to sleep together in a common room for four nights. This was something different altogether to them.

         This girl, Nicole, loved soccer so much that it pained me a lot to think that she can no longer train with us or even see us practice for that matter.   She was not even given the single chance to say good bye to us….  everything was just too quick to be true…

         Everyone is so excited and anxious and then in a blink of an eye we are already faing our huge room ( I mean huge with its own salon!).   WEll, I almost felt like their eldest sister nontheless mother(UGH!) — we ate as a group, take turns in taking a bath and had chit-chat at times. I mean it was something those girls will never forget for quite sometime.

         What ’s more precious to me was not durin the game time but before and after that. It was during our wee hours together in the evening that things get a little bit crzy (funny crazy)!   We did suspense stories and jokes of course….

           zooming in to one person…..

           And there was Nicole with jersey number 5.          

           Modesty aside,  she was thesweetest girl in my team.  I mean, every time she sees me, she would Just embrace me and hung herself around my waistline and often than not she would kiss me on my cheek and hug me here and there… and if I am not that serious, she jsut tickles me nonstop!

           As a player, she was the best! The the tricks and skills par above her young age of 12.    What I admire about Nicole is her determination to compete.   She was the type of player who never misses a single practice, rain or shine.

          I will often see her dribbling or joggling before the actual training. What’s even more amazing is her huge heart and down-to-earth character….

         How can death cheat on that lovable, sweet and wonderful girl?   HOw can this happen to a 12-year old girl who has a lot of  future in her hands?

        The team was just so devastated of what happened to her and everyone just can’t believe that everything that she worked for and struggled for came to nothing… but all that we are consoled of right now is the belief that she still loved us so much as we do loved her back and she is already an angel in heaven, watching and praying…..

         and here I have chosen a simple yet profound poem and message which I used during a testimonial speech after the mass.  ( This is the best I can do…)                   

Good-bye At Last (Barbie Dy)

Saying goodbye is never easy
It’s the hardest thing to do
But what hurts even more
Is not the chance to say it to you.

Yesterday is just a memory
Our laughter was sunny and bright
Then clouds started to gather
For you were no where in sight.

You were my warmth in the morning
And this I will never forget
How you left without a warning
No good-byes, my only regret.

No matter what my wrongs
You offered only love
Until the day you left us
For your new home up above.

I know you still are with me
Your love is within my heart
Though life is no longer present
Our souls will never part.

This is given to you in honor
Of all that we did share
I just wanted you to know, Nicole,
How much I really did care.